Ma'am, Do You Know Why I Stopped You?

I’ve heard that statement precisely three times in my life. The first two times were for speeding, and I knew darn well why I was stopped. This time, I have to admit, my mind was in so many places, so I actually wasn’t sure.

I knew I had not been on my phone.

I was pretty sure I hadn’t been speeding because I had been in a rotary (for you non-New Englanders, I think you call them traffic circles).

I was stumped, but I knew enough not to argue and being the Obliger that I am, I was smart enough to fess up to making a mistake and begin fumbling an apology.

As I tried to do that, I felt my heart racing. My mind jumped from my heart to my calendar to the look on this cop’s face. Her face said, “LADY. SLOW. THE. HECK. DOWN” and she wasn’t just talking about speeding.

She asked where I was going, and I simply said: “to meet a friend.” Truth: I was meeting a friend who is also my hairdresser for a freaking bang trim.

I then asked if I could call my friend to say I’d be late and my friendly cop said, “Absolutely not. Do not touch anything.”

Sheesh. Isn’t it polite to call when you are late?

As I sat there waiting what seemed like eons for her to run my license, I did a little breath work. I knew this would slow my heart rate and bring me back into my body instead of the hyperawareness of the crazy orchestra of discordant thoughts in my head. Funny how easily I - and maybe you - can get sucked into the stream of ideas in my head and let those thoughts become a reality. By feeling my body sitting in the seat of my car, I began to calm down and reign in my thoughts. 

I was able to notice what was happening instead of racing around, literally and figuratively.

I was racing around with a zillion things in my head without any real focus on any one thing. I wasn’t actually on course to be late for the bang-trim. But I was acting like it because my mind believed the thoughts that told me to keep moving quickly to check off all the things. And that the yellow sticky note of to-dos was enticing me from the passenger’s seat like a flashing strip show sign.

None of the things on my list were the least bit urgent. 

I was caught up in the rapid-fire ping pong game of not just the past few weeks of travel, but of keeping the balls moving forward without bouncing away.

And now, several minutes and passed and I was sure I was getting multiple tickets. 

My self-chatter calmed as my breathing deepened. Finally, the officer slowly walked back to my car. She rattled on about the severe nature of my offenses. I literally bit my tongue not to argue or explain as I continued to inhale and exhale to the count of six.

I apologized genuinely and then listened well enough to hear what she was saying. She was only giving me “a serious warning,” followed by “if you get pulled over again this will have serious repercussions.”

Heart flutters, mind races.

Breathe.

Okay, I got it.

 I recognized a few things that maybe resonate with you.

The lists will always be there.

There will always be more to do and often not enough time.

I am continuing to work on defining what is enough and how to craft and keep those boundaries. Mindless racing around eventually catches up with us. We get sick, we make mistakes or use sharp words. We forgot to eat, or we overeat. We race mindlessly somewhere that isn’t urgent and we get stern warning from a local cop enthusiastically doing her job.

If you’re an obliger like me, you adhere to the expectations and deadlines others need from you. But when it comes to holding yourself accountable, you are inclined to put your needs aside so you can help others rather than meet your deadlines or commitments. You might find yourself racing through a rotary or honking at the older, cautious driver when you deem it safe to enter the rotary. You might find your breath shallow and heart-racing because there is so much to do and you cannot focus on a simple task that falls under the heading of “self care.”

If this sounds like you, have you considered coaching? I can help.

I can help you with weekly calls to identify and set priorities, to define your goals and to help you make small promises to yourself. As an accountability coach, my role is to make sure you meet those promises and crush those goals.

If you’re curious, set up a complimentary Discovery Call with me where you can tell me what you are juggling and I'll share how I help clients live more balanced lives of purpose and joy. Just don’t race through that rotary on your way to connect with me!

(PS I’m learning the ropes here with Square Space Marketing - it appears that if you are reading this as an email AND want to get to the Discovery Call link, you’ll need to first click on “view original post” below - and THERE you will find the live link. I’ll work on figuring this out for the next time!)