WTH - Our Brains, the ICK and the YUM

There are some days I have woken up with an intense need to help someone. To feel of service and to feel as if I have some agency over this spinning universe that is presently so uncertain. There are other days, I want to escape, to hide, to shrink because the universe feels, well, so uncertain and vast. Those days, I am not sure what I am in control of nor what is going to feel satisfying or nourishing or helpful.

I know I am not alone.

Weeks ago, I started this print and video series, WTH - Ways To Help. I totally thought it would be a few weeks. In fact, for the first two weeks, I recorded guided meditations or coaching lessons, until about day eight when I realized this wasn’t a blizzard we were waiting out. It was time to recognize the shape-shift. It meant a change in we view this new now and how we begin to build back our lives, hopefully for the better.

I expected things to ebb and flow, but man, there are big swells between the ebbs and flows. Every one of us is struggling, hurting, mourning. We’re also adapting, learning, apologizing, and trying to put food on the table and one foot in front of the other. We are experiencing raw human emotions - the good, the bad, and everything in between. As emotions tend to be, the bad ones can be super uncomfortable. However, they are not permanent. Much like this pandemic, we can find ourselves in a cyclone of discomfort that eventually will subside.  
 


Back when we used to hop on airplanes regularly, we head "secure your oxygen mask before helping others." If you're feeling a little depleted in this moment or tomorrow or next Blursday, stop and ask yourself, what do I need right now? 
 


If you’re feeling the cyclonic swells of uncomfortable emotions, such as irritability, anxiety, frustration or exhaustion, you’re not alone. And you can find calmer waters.

Here are three more WTH find those calmer waters, even if it’s just for a few moments of your day.

Understand your brain a little better.  

Stress and anxiety are conditions for which our brains are built. They are threats and call us to adapt, even if it feels crummy. There are tiny muscles on top of our lungs. When we stop to take a few deep breaths, these muscles relax. We can breathe more deeply, and we activate our parasympathetic nervous system - taking us out of "fight/flight/freeze" and into "rest/digest." Breathing in through your nose and out through your mouth changes the gases we release into our systems that improve physical and mental health. Feeling your inner-overachiever, as you inhale deeply through your nose, work to extend your exhalation to be twice as long. This creates a pattern of regularity in the autonomic nervous system and toning down our body's stress response. Need some guidance on how to use your breath to calm your mind, check out my Video Library for some short practices. 


Make an Ick List and Set it Aside.

One of the ways I've been letting go and decompressing is by watching funny, mindless stuff on tv, my iPad. Generally, I" m not a fan of the comedy the rest of my family enjoys, say The Office or Curb, but somehow, these shows are more inviting. I look forward to Jimmy Fallon's Tonight Show At Home. The hilarious interactions with this family and swear in my next life, I want to be Frannie so I can play on that slide and have the pink-under-the-stairs desk.  

Fallon had on a guest, whose name escapes me, who talked about his "Ick List” - all that the crap that is getting under his skin at that moment. I took this a little further as a way to bring myself back into the present moment when I am feeling agitated (which is far too often..more on that next). I have an ICK list on my desk, and once it's written down, it reminds me to let it go. If it comes back, it gets written down again. For added satisfaction, I am using an old sketch pad of my son's (he's still in NYC finishing art school, so it reminds me of him) and using sticky notes for my lists. Periodic crumpling of the ICK list brings a bonus sense of satisfaction. And since I am always working towards finding the bright side of things, I’ve also made myself a YUM list - those things that make me smile, feel nourished, good, happy, grateful. 


Your brain is wired to be annoyed and anxious- but it is not a permanent state. 
  

"We've reached the irritation phase of this pandemic.” This line by Keli Maria Korducki in her article, “Why You’re so Irritated by Everything” stuck with me, mostly because it irritated me and then triggered me to consider all the things on my current ICK list. And she is so spot on about how we - or at least I- am at the irritation phase. I was becoming increasingly annoyed by all the other people (the few I see IRL and the rest, digitally) who I perceive to be irritated and annoyed. It's a vicious dance of negative energy, one in which anxiety and frustration become far too contagious.

Back to the brain for a minute. When we are in that "fight/flight/freeze" phase, we're not able to access our higher-order brain to see what makes sense. We're all feelings and reactions, and, as Kelli Maria Korduck points out, we often blame others because, oddly enough, that calms our brains. Interesting, as I don't think of myself who often blames, but irritation and annoyance, HELL YES.

I did a little self-coaching and recalibrating my mindset. I am finding it's a daily and sometimes hourly practice. I've had to put some firm boundaries on the "doomscrolling," and I've unfriended or unfollowed people who continue to post outrageous opinions or false science or who just RANT. They can have their opinions, but I am not letting those opinions in my brain or to sap my energy. 
 I'm trying to be kinder to myself and especially to others. Some days that looks like a long walk or going to bed early. Other days, it's a conscious effort to practice gratitude (That YUM list and my Gratitude Journal help!) I also remind myself that even if they are not outwardly behaving like it, I am going to assume most people have positive intentions. 


How about you? Feeling Anxious? Irritated? Annoyed? It's okay. Our brains are wired for that, and it's a reminder to listen to your heart, mind, and body to see what needs to shift.  

So how about we practice breathing a bit, letting go, and leveraging a little more kindness. Here’s a short guided meditation I hope will help!

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