Landing in the Ditch...

Sometimes the best-laid plans just get pushed aside - by chance, by choice, or by some force of the universe.

The latter happened to me this week, and I decided it was a good lesson in slowing down and listening.  Too bad it came to me as I landed in a (metaphorical) ditch.

I had a plan about what I'd write this week - introducing a new offering and hinting at what is coming down the pike.  I’ve laid out a road map for the next three months to cover the four pillars of my work (organization, growth, human connection, and our social-emotional well being). 

But then life gets hectic and messy and screams for our attention and energy. I spent a couple of days planning work, dropping it to tend to other things, and fretting about not writing. I was barely managing to stay ahead of the writing deadlines for the forthcoming book I am a co-author.  As I’ve shared before, I am an Obliger so there’s nothing like a little external accountability to keep me headed in the right direction.

However, the more I fretted about my inability to do the work I had planned, the more annoyed I got at my inflexibility. I knew better than to cling to what wasn't working, but still, I wanted my way to work. (insert foot-stomp and pouty face.)  By clinging to these ideals, I struggled and suffered more than I needed.   I realized I had to lean into the demands in front of me and wait for the time to write.

But still, this felt a bit crummy.  

It was more than crummy. It sucked. 

I rarely feel angry, and I genuinely don't think I was mad, but I was disappointed. I fell into a habit of negative self-talk. It was the classic negative feedback loop.

It forced me to do a little self-coaching to combat this cycle. It was timed to choose not to covertly resent it but to embrace it. I took time to:

• Name the feelings. I like the Feelings Wheel when I am just not sure what I am feeling.

• Rest. Plain and simple, rest. Stress wears us down; fighting that worn-downness only makes us (at least me) more tired.

• Hydrate and eat. Duh. But, I needed to remind myself to find nourishing and comforting food and to drink way more water than I think I need.

• Listen to music. I am not really a music buff, but I made a playlist for a friend's birthday, and that became the soundtrack to my days. Thanks, Crout!

• Savor. By choosing to savor moments of comfort, I could bring comfort to my mental and physical body.  

That savoring was essential. It allowed me to connect visual and somatic memories and the music together. It also reminded me of the types of people I need in my life.  I realized that I need to reach out to a few of them when I'm veering off the road into the shoulder and staring into the ditch.

Human connection to real people who see me and know me was what I needed. 

I had missed those road signs and was in the loneliness ditch.

I'm thankfully out of that ditch and on the shoulder of the highway of life. I’m giving myself space and time to be alone and reflect. I am also deliberately scheduling social time with humans and it feels right. 

We're all out of practice, if not downright dusty and rusty, with connecting to other humans. Even seeing people's full faces (i.e., no masks) can be unsettling. But as humans, we are wired for connection so hiding behind masks means we really, really need to connect. Who can you connect with by text, a phone call or an old fashioned, hand-written note?

Oh, and I am back to meeting those writing deadlines both external and internal.

How about you - how are you staying connected?

P.S.

If you’re an educator or know one, keep in touch or forward this to them. This book I am collaborating on has a summer publication date and will be just what teachers need to kick off the 2021 school year! I’m so grateful and excited to be a part of this book!