COVID 19, Self-Compassion, Self-Care and Taking Care of Those Around You

COVID 19.

Who’s not talking about it?

Who’s not worrying about it?

Who’s sick of talking and worrying about it already?

Coronavirus seems to be impacting almost every area of life - school, work, travel, iPhone repair/replacement, shopping (why exactly are we running out of TP?), social life, and general wellness. Anytime we face uncertainty and fear, we tend to get rattled.

There is uncertainty about many things right now - from politics and government, climate, the economy, and our collective health. Maybe rattled doesn’t begin to describe it. Perhaps you’re preoccupied. Or distracted. Or hyper-vigilant (I am the one who brought paper towels to workout today instead of using the towels to clean equipment). Or maybe you’re angry and miffed that travel plans were compromised or work is falling short of your budget.

All of these feelings are valid.

Many of these behaviors which stem from these feelings, take us out of the moment, and in the process, can exacerbate the stress we are feeling. Think of those negative feelings like a hitchhiker, whom I’ll call Heidi. Imagine, since you’re a nice person who wants to take care of others, you see Heidi on the side of the road. She’s put together, but is looking uncomfortable and in need of help. So out of curiosity, you slow down and approach her cautiously before engaging in conversation. But she’s one of those over-sharers who just dives right into her story, and before you know it, she’s jumped into your front seat and is leaning in with enthusiasm. She’s transformed into a charismatic preacher in her Sunday best, spotlight on her, the band behind her, and that glint in her eyes that tells you she KNOWS she’s got your attention. She’s moved quickly from someone on the side of the road quietly doing her thing and looking for attention, to someone with a booming voice who’s got control of your vehicle. You can let her stay in the front seat prattling on with all her worries and what-ifs, or you can thank her for sharing and bump her to the back seat, or even drop her off at the nearest rest stop.

And then rest yourself from the litany of worry and complaints.

For me, the stream of news from various outlets and devices is the hitchhiker I am prone to pick up. When I pause to recognize the feelings versus facts and how my body and mind are aflutter of feelings, I remember that as quickly as I picked Heidi up, I can drop her off. She might try to get back in the car, and I’ll work on dislodging her again.

It’s important that in times of BIG STRESS - those significant events that impact us on many levels - we simply must hit pause to identify what we can do and what is simply beyond our influence and control. And that last part kinda sucks.

Two big yoga ideas to consider, even in yoga isn’t your thing:

Ahisma is the idea of not-harming.

Aparigraha is not clinging or holding on.

Let that percolate - more on that in a bit.

Unless you are a scientist, government policymaker, or a medical professional, there is probably not much you can do about the big picture. Accept that without clinging to the enormity of it all.

We’re consistently hearing the things each of us a can do to help “flatten the curve” and take an active role in the mitigation process.

Careful hand washing, social isolation, calling the doctor before going in if you are not feeling well, and trying to keep your hands off your face.

Now, back to the big yoga thing and a few things I’d add to what we CAN do:

Practice Self-Compassion:

It’s okay to be worried. It’s okay to stay at home. It’s okay to wipe down the table if you go out to eat. It’s okay to speak up at work and ask for sanitizer or the opportunity to work from home. Don’t beat yourself up about it. Limit access to news or people who are perseverating on things. Go easy on yourself. When we act with curiosity and compassion for ourselves and those around us, we feel more positive emotions, even for just a few minutes. And remember, there are lots of folks walking around worried about this, so be kind to one another.

Feel the Feels:

Whatever you’re feeling, let yourself feel it. When we let Heidi ride shotgun or drive the car, we are held hostage by those negative emotions. Thank those feelings for showing up and maybe teaching you something, and then shoo them out of the car. When we get wrapped up in negative emotions, our sympathetic nervous system kicks in, secreting cortisol and putting us in flight/flight/freeze. It becomes a loop of negative thoughts, attention on those scary emotions, and physical and mental manifestations of stress. It’s okay to take care of yourself and acknowledge those feelings, but try to stay focused on the things that make you feel good.

Basic Needs:

Now more than ever, eat, sleep, hydrate. Eat the best food you’ve got and let yourself savor whatever your comfort food might be. Make room for healthy choices like sufficient sleep and rest. If you don’t have an evening wind-down routine, give yourself that structure and include powering off devices. Keep that water bottle handy and use it!

Move Your Body:

Get outside for a walk. Do a video workout. Dance in your kitchen. Laugh hard. Hug yourself, your pets, the people you live with (save the hugging strangers when we all get through this!). Plus, we get that endorphin rush that lifts our spirits. For real.

Connect:

Talk to someone you love and trust - your dog or cat, your housemates, Facetime, a friend. Connecting might mean doing so in different ways, but I bet you’ve got a friend who is feeling a little isolated or unsure, and if you can connect and say, “how are you?” Linger for the answer and really listen.

Rest/Digest:

Holding on to the idea that this is “stupid” or a “nuisance” perpetuates the stress. It can cause our bodies to produce more cortisol triggering a fight/flight/freeze reaction and exacerbating the stress. Each of the things mentioned above helps move your nervous system into rest and digest. When you feel the pressure or Heidi Hitchhiker coming in, pause and see if you can draw upon one of these to counteract the stress response.

The game now is about mitigating and maintaining a wee bit of composure. Things are rocky and unstable, but we will get through this. The idea of flattening the curve is being played out so that hopefully, we don’t overwhelm the system and people who do get sick, can have access to treatment. Scientists at Johns Hopkins are keeping tabs on both the death and recovery rate of COVID19 - so while not downplaying this pandemic, it is important to note how many people survive this, too.

We have to work together and as individuals to mitigate the impact of this virus. Washing hands and practicing self-compassion and self-care go hand-in-hand, no pun intended. When we are hyper-focused on what could happen or hung up on what has happened, we are not fully present.

When we focus the mind and the body on what is in front of us, even for a few minutes, we bring the body into rest and digest. We begin to calm the body and mind. If you don’t have a mindfulness practice, maybe this is the time. When you sign up for my newsletter and confirm, you’ll get a complimentary guided meditation you can use at any time.

I’m also working on a few bite-sized bits of mindfulness to share as we all ride out the next few weeks - stay tuned and stay well!

As I go to post, Governor Larry Hogan announces big steps here in Maryland - including closing all schools statewide starting Monday. Take care of yourselves if you’ll have added duties with your kids. Practice some of these strategies with your kids. If you’ve got teens, be sure to check out Lisa Damour’s article from the NY Times earlier this week.