Building Habits
Last week I shared some thoughts on resolutions, affirmation, and intentions. Did you catch that?
Since then, I’ve read and seen so many posts on how to stick to those resolutions, and I would bet you have, too. I like to think more in terms of building habits that will stick, not find hacks for those resolutions.
My approach to habit-forming has included way more research than was probably required, which honestly works well as one of my (many) procrastination tools.
If you’re looking to build new habits that get you gaining momentum toward those goals and resolutions, here are a few tips:
Understand WHY you want to make this change. If you’re not doing it for yourself, then it probably won’t be a habit you can stick to.
What strengths can you build on? If you’re a skilled cook and conscientious planner, then planning healthy meals and prepping once a week is attainable. If you aren’t accustomed to a calendar, planning meals a week ahead might be a far reach.
What supports do you need? If you benefit from external reinforcements and have a supportive housemate, then tell that housemate and enlist her help.
What might be challenging? Plan ahead and have a few strategies to overcome that hurdle. If you want to walk/run three days a week, what other option is there for really inclement weather?
Do you understand how you get people - including yourself - to do what you want them to do? I am a HUGE fan of Gretchen Rubin’s work and found so much insight in her book The Four Tendencies - You can take her quiz here to learn how you tend to respond to demands and obligations and see which of the four tendencies (Upholder, Obliger, Questioner, or Rebel) describe you.
As someone who works from home, and shares space with another person who works from home, the work-life boundary is, at best, blurry. There are days that I hardly finish my cup of coffee, and I am working at the kitchen table. There are far too many evenings that we are each working through dinner or grab work to read in bed. I will spare you the details of daily life, but it’s not a system that works mostly because it leaves me feeling frazzled, trapped and rarely like I’ve completed enough of anything. That’s not a feeling I want to carry into 2020, so I’m highly motivated to change!
I’ve done a lot of self-coaching and set up my morning and evening routines in a way that is very, very structured for the time being. It might not stay like this, but I need to start with this until these habits work their way back into my muscle memory. As an Obliger, I know my default to meet others' expectations and I’m inclined to sacrifice their ambitions, at least at the moment. Hence, I often drag my work around like Linus’s blanket. It seems like it gives me reassurance, but it’s actually just added weight I have to tote around.
Whatever my - or your - new and refreshed habits might be, science tells us it is smart to pair them with a trigger and a reward. I’ve been working to streamline my morning and evening routines and the trigger-behavior-reward cycle to make those habits stick. The morning trigger is getting up, feeding the pets, and fixing my coffee before moving into my newly designed and designated Morning Space. It’s where I read, meditate and journal. The reward is the clarity and peace of mind that comes when I tend to my deepest inner needs and unyielding need for caffeine before my day launches.
At night, I need an end of workday and bedtime ritual that keeps me from cuddling with my laptop and working so late I wake up groggy and cranky. I’ve got a system in place for shutting down my workspace and later an alarm goes off on my phone at 8:30 p.m. This triggers me start the process of winding down so I can be asleep by 10 p.m. (I should mention, I have learned the hard way that I need at least 8 hours of sleep at this stage of life, and I am so very fortunate that this is an option!)
As an Obliger, this type of infrastructure is really external accountability, making me more inclined to meet these expectations. It’s really a form of self-coaching, learned after many sessions with a trusted coach and my years of coach training and work. Building on strengths, scaling goals so they feel attainable, understanding my tendencies and triggers and celebrating the wins all prove essentials in capitalizing my willingness to change and develop new habits.
If you read the New York Times article, Resolved to be Coached I posted yesterday, maybe you’re thinking about how coaching would support you as you commit to new habits, routines, or behaviors. I often work with clients for an hour a week by phone to dig into all sorts of motivations and possible strategies and solutions. But I also offer Accountability Coaching where clients check in with me by phone once a week for 20 minutes. Clients are encouraged to identify their motivation and set small attainable goals so they can take incremental steps and celebrate success. Our weekly calls reinforce what’s working, let’s client explore possible solutions and begin to solidify habits that bring big changes. And gosh, it’s so cool to hear clients realize how capable they are!
Starting next week, I’ve got five spots for Accountability Coaching offered at 50% off. Conditions apply and space is limited, so reserve your spot soon.
If you’re being intentional in building new habits for 2020, I wish you all the best. Let me know how it’s going for you and if you’re curious about how coaching can help you be and do all you dream of, let’s explore working together!
