Intentions, Habit, Ease and Steadiness
The other evening, I met a friend for a drink before a meeting we were attending. As I sat down, the bartender said, “How are ya?” To my surprise, I answered, “hah, it’s been a week!” He cocked his head and said, “Oh, really now? You know it’s Tuesday, right?”
Yes. It’s been a long week. I prefer to hold my evening meetings in PJs with a book, not at a restaurant after dark. I’m catching up and working deliberately to restart some habits that had gone off the rails for reasons too numerous to list. I’m lucky enough to have the right amount of work I am challenged by and grateful to do. My plate and my life are full.
However, focusing on little things, lots of little things, every day this week felt like heavy work. An evening of lively and smart women turned out to be just the breather I needed to feel a bit more ease. Back to those little things…
Little things which are done consistently add up to extraordinary things. It takes effort, and that effort can be draining. When we’re working to develop new habits, we need to recognize our triggers and thoughts before we can behave in ways that build those habits. It’s also important to take some time to experience and feel the reward that comes with execution. Since we are humans, we also need to practice the grace and self-compassion when we mess up or throw in the towel on those new habits.
When we can accept those slip-ups as part of life, we can find a little more ease in our expectations of self. With full plates of work and home life, it can be easy to take on too many habit changes at one time. Or to expect too much, too quickly. For me, planning details and taking that 10,000-foot view is essential. Habit building in small steps can feel productive and satisfying…., and sometimes it can begin to feel so overwhelming they make two days feel like a whole ding-dong week.
I’m in a weekly coaching group where a gaggle of coaches meet to refine our practice and coach each other. This week, we discussed this 10,000-foot view. We shared ways we plan our business, determine what is “enough,” and plan our workload. It prompted me to do a quick walkthrough of my planning process and schedule. The results moved that mind-chatter of “overwhelm” to “yeah, I’m doing this!”
Once a month, I devote about an hour to mapping month - calendar meetings with my spouse, blocking the big things “rocks” and blocking time for priority projects, workouts, travel, important celebrations, and dates. I love to see the big picture of a month, quarter, and year. Some months seem a little spacious and open and others, like this month, it’s easy to see there is no room to take on anything else.
Now, of course, this is all a plan and IRL, plans are fantastic. But they change because, well, life changes. That’s where habits are essential. When we have that muscle memory for patterns and habits that we’ve intentionally decided are important, we stick to them. This helps us execute the plan when it’s working and when it gets rocky, we’ve got solid ground to stand on. Ultimately, this sort of planning and the intentional mindset we choose to take is precisely what allows us weather challenges with more steadiness, grace, and ease.
Sure, we’ll all get agitated, stressed, or even anxious. We wobble, make mistakes, and even fall. (YAY!) We get back up to find ease and steadiness and intentional habits once again. That, my reader-friends, is growth.
If you’re working to find - or crave - more ease and steadiness, or if 2020 is your time to make time to care for yourself, I’ve got a workshop coming up in Annapolis that might be a good fit.
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Wherever you might be with your resolutions, intentions, habits, and growth this year - take a big deep breath right now. And then take a big exhale. Statistics say more than 50% of us have ditched those habits by mid-January. Maybe so, but you can always come back to those habits or new ones. Sticking to those habits is one way to build ease and steadiness - so take another deep breath and smile at yourself for being committed to yourself and finding that good space.
