After a Pause, I Will… (10 Acts and Attitudes I am Committing To)

I am rarely at a loss for words, but lately, it’s become rare that I feel like I have the right words to say. One of my coaching colleagues explained that her approach now is to pause to consider why we are saying what we are saying. Further, we need to carefully consider who will benefit from what we might share.

I’ve been paused on that suggestion for a few days.

My yoga practice has given me the container to sit and think—it calls me to listen to me and, more importantly, to listen to others. I want to get this right, but know I will not. 

So I paused longer.

This is a time to feel discomfort - a lesson I practice on my yoga mat but can, like many humans, avoid in real life. I’m continually working with being uncomfortable and the learning and growth that arises. I’m reaching out to Black friends to say, “how are you” and “is there anything I can do for you?” I recognize that they do not need to take care of me nor answer my questions. I simply want them to know they are on my mind because they are on my mind.

I realized that the goal is not the right words, but the right attitude.  An attitude that recognizes we have to listen and learn. One that pulls us to rise up and step up to the plate and be a part of the change that has been needed for decades, if not centuries.

There are undoubtedly many issues we face that require our attention and resources. Right now, our focus needs to be on shifting our awareness to the pain of Black folks. You know, the “stuff” that has been happening right in front of our eyes that can be explained away when we look at history and life from a single, white lens.

I’m watching my adult kids dive into this discomfort and challenge others, including me.  One is researching and learning more about the stories of Black people, so as she prepares to teach history, she can do this through a broader lens that includes truly diverse voices and perspectives. She’s supporting activist groups in ways she can have an impact. My son remains in his Brooklyn apartment - breaking quarantine to peacefully protest (and then get tested - he’s negative for both the virus and antibodies right now). He and his roommates have taken care of friends who have been injured and delivered supplies to protestors. Both of my kids are meticulously sending letters to urge change in the systems whose faults and failures are glaring at us in this moment of history.  

I attended a vigil in Annapolis this week, organized by 20-somethings and guided by elder leaders of our town. A former student shared his passionate WHY for being a part of the change, starting with his story about growing up Black in our town.

The actions and passion of young adults like my own give me hope. Each generation is called upon to be a part of evolutionary and cultural change. For some of us, it was a subdued and safe call, one that honestly, was easy to tune out because we could (i.e. we sat/sit in a place of personal privilege). This generation is stepping into the fray, defying stereotypes of self-absorbed, screen-absorbed snowflakes as they are often portrayed. They are showing us their grit and purpose. They are connected, empowered, and invested in making things better.  

It is abundantly clear that not being a racist is simply not enough. So whether we are 20-something or 50-something or 80-something, we have much to examine and learn.

We need to shift to acknowledging white privilege and realizing how we can show up better for Black folks.

We need to stop denying that we - as individuals, communities, and society - are, in fact, racist.

It’s time we learn to do better and be deliberate about being antiracist.

This shifting cultural change is a start and must continue long after all the protests are over.  I’ve been working personally and professionally to commit to 10 acts and attitudes. These are ways I want to show up, grow, and be a part of the change. I know there will be missteps and lessons, but I am moving forward with intention.

1. I will continue to coach clients who are looking to define goals and live lives of purpose will continue so people can feel seen, valued, and supported.  If you connect with me and decide we are a good fit, I will see you, listen to you and give you the best I have got.  I welcome the opportunity to serve and learn from you.

2. I will continue to advocate for more transparency and health-protective personal care products because we all deserve safer products.

3. I will be working more with teachers and students to ensure diversity, equity, and inclusion so every child can experience these.

4. I will continue with my obsession with learning with podcasts, books, webinars (follow my socials if you’re curious).

5. I will vote in every local election, and I will encourage others to do the same. Each vote matters and we’ve got homework to do before we cast those ballots.

6. I will double down on my effort to seek out relationships with Black women, men, and children. I will strive to be a more mindful and supportive listener when they need an ear, an ally, or an action.

7. I will not shy away from hard conversations about race in my own home and with friends because discomfort is necessary.  I may need to sit on my mat or go for a walk to process, but I will show up.

8. I will listen with the intention of learning and growth, and while I know I will stumble, I will keep trying to improve.

9. I will speak up when I see someone from the Black community (or anyone) is treated unjustly.

10. I will be open to learning and considering different perspectives. If you have resources, I hope you’ll share if you feel moved to do so.

There’s no re-doing history. But we do have an opportunity to tell a diverse and vibrant story of history and to create history that reflects the dignity of all.   We have an opportunity to make history as we work for equality, inclusion and justice.

At a time when there is much chaos, the challenge is to find some moments of calm. When we are calm, we can feel that place between stimulus and response where we can speak and act with intention and purpose. That is where we find the freedom to grow.

How are you thinking about this change? What acts and attitudes are you committed to?

I  hope that you can find some moments of calm, to listen, to learn to be a part of change.

Be well, take care!

PS

Be sure to follow me on Facebook (Grounded 2 Grow) or Instagram (Grounded 2 Grow Coaching) for the resources I’m learning from and to share what’s helping you.